“My fiancée was in charge of getting my back.”

“The gray porch is covered.. just put it three feet to the right.”

“Left my yard boots outside for one week and a bird made a home in one. I just can’t bring myself to undo all that work.”

“Yesterday our neighbor’s 80′ locust tree gave us some live edge sky lights, a great view of the stars, and that Rainforest Cafe atmosphere that our living room had just always been missing. No injuries, dogs pissed the bed, life goes on…”

“My pizza was delivered on it’s side.”

Spilled about 8lbs of jasmine rice

“I was going to go get my car horn fixed this weekend so I can pass inspection. Then this happened on the way home..”

“A bumblebee(yes, I swear it was fuzzy – not a wasp!!) got in the airplane and managed to get stuck under my jeans. I tried to get it out and I have no idea how it stung me 6 times? Luckily I’m not allergic.”

Nothing like coming home from a long day at work to find some new decor in your room.

“My poor thermometer can’t move any closer to the temps of hell. “

“I see everyone’s Legos for all time and raise you a half chewed ostrich bone. At least I bought fun bandaids last week.”

Brand new bottle of olive oil fell off the bottom shelf.

“Finally get her out to the dog park for the first time in 7 months, and a bird shits on her within 5 min. Poor girl.”

“Bit down on a bite of blueberry pancake.”

Fuck.

“Hard to see but I broke a large glass over a newly made snack board for cartoon night. If you zoom in you can see glass in the prosciutto.”

“There goes our precious pie.”

“Company sent mismatched pieces of my new couch today. They don’t make the couch anymore.”

“Popped the cap off my chapstick and the balm fell out onto the floor at work.”

“Left my 1 month old bike for one night on the street.”

The delivery guy was on a bike and had the boxes in a backpack.

“I knew the box felt a little light.”

“I’ve never seen Jaws so I went ahead and online-ordered the three movie collection.”