“Masturbation. Gripped way too tight. Completely ruined sex for the first few months after losing my virginity.”

“When I would take a crap, I would sit on the bowl. I thought the seat was only for girls. I only started using the seat after my buddies were talking about a particularly comfy toilet seat their mom bought. I asked why they sat on the seat, and they, in turn, asked “You don’t?” that was when I realized what I been missing for 18 years.”

“For 6 years I used fabric softener as laundry detergent. I never bothered to read the bottle in its entirety, loved the smell, and appreciated the convenient bottle size when walking to the laundromat.”

“Whipping my ass once and calling it quits. Till i was 18 i thought skid marks and an itchy Butthole was a part of life”

“Using aluminum foil. How was I to know that’s what those little tabs on the side are for? Keeping the roll in place? I didn’t even know they existed until a month ago.”

“Opening a new deodorant. Until last year I would struggle to pry the plastic piece out with force. I didn’t realize you could just crank the stick up until the protector cap came off easily. I hate myself a little bit for this.”

“The knives in your silverware drawer. The ones with the curved, serrated edge for cutting soft meats, veggies etc. Well, I used that curved edge to try and spread butter or peanut butter or mayo or jelly on my bread. Then one day, at the age of 60, I realized, the straight edge on the top of the knife worked a whole lot better for spreading. DUH!”

“Apparently, I’ve been holding my fork wrong since I could pick one up. Food still gets where it needs so whatev.”

“Bobby pins. I’ve been using then upside down according to Pinterest.”

“As a Canadian, I pronounced Jay Z as Jay Zed.”

“Well, I used to do all capital letters with Caps lock on – Caps lock off, so that’s kind of silly.”

“When I write “2” I start from the bottom.”

“For the longest time I thought ‘bass’ on the stereo was pronounced like ‘bass’ the fish. ‘Crank up the bass on the radio would ya!’ Followed by weird looks.”

“Until I was about 16 I always washed my body first and then shampoo my hair.. never thought the order of operations mattered much.”

“I hold a pencil wrong.. Still do it.”

“I’m a leftie and I wear my watch on my left hand because apparently everyone else do it like that”

“Walking. Was born with 2 short Achilles tendons which caused me to walk on my toes like a ballerina for the first 12 years of my life.”

“I had a co-worker(m), who was from India. Who used to greet a guest by saying hi dear, because that’s what he thought we all said.. we were all saying hi there.”

“Eating noodles. I used to eat noodles with my face facing forward like with any other meal. This would often result in the noodles dragging a slimy path across my chin. I would always have to have a napkin nearby to wipe off my chin every few bites. This changed when I first met the woman who would become my wife. She faced downward until the noodles were completely in her mouth before facing anywhere else. In other words, she didn’t eat noodles like a fucking idiot. My chin was slimy for years.”

“Folding clothes. Apparently, I was getting it completely backward. But when I put on my clothes, nobody can tell how they were folded, so it didn’t really matter.”

“I always thought ‘make ends meet’ was actually ‘make ends meat’ as in you have meat at the end of the day…”

“I tie my shoes backwards and they often come untied. Also, I’m married for the 3rd time. I’m pretty sure I am doing this wrong.”

“Until about age 10, I had convinced myself through convoluted child logic that since the word “ridiculous” has the word “dick” in it, that “dick” was, in fact, the shortened form of “dickulous,” which was the technical term for a penis. I got weird stares when I called a kid a dickulous. I got weird stares a lot as a kid, actually.”

“I did not know that ‘discreet’ and ‘discrete’ are two different words.”