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1. A friend of mine once hooked up with a guy she matched with on Tinder. She was in a different city for a family reunion, and hooked up with him two nights in a row, since she decided to stay there a couple of days before the event to check out the sights.
You guessed it. Come the day of the family reunion, and guess who's there? The Tinder-guy, who she quickly learns is her cousin on her father's side. She had never met him before. They both kept their cool for most of the event, but then his brother got too drunk and started gossiping to people (Tinder-dude had confided in him). The whole thing ended up with her and her parents leaving early, her mother in tears.
2. We were doing a math final in junior year of high school. They made a huge deal of saying everyone should use the restroom etc, saying you'd fail if you got out of your seat before your test was done.
About halfway through the exam a girl two seats ahead, and one to the left, starts peeing relentlessly. She didn’t stop taking the exam, look at anyone or try and leave. She released easily 20 oz of fluid. Urine was spilling out of the chair like a faucet for probably 15-20 seconds.
Everyone’s looking at her, the teacher visibly mouths “what the F**K”. No one knows what to do.
This poor girl just finished her exam, probably another 20 minutes’ worth, and left.
3. I was a sophomore in HS (so around 16) taking the last leg of my county's sex ed class. It was a co-ed day, so our full gym class of about 30 kids was in the room. Topic was STD's. The teacher mentioned oral sex a few times and I guess which diseases can be spread through it. One guy who was always pretty quiet and shy raised his hand and said "I just don't really understand how you can get an STD from talking about sex..."
It took everyone, including the teacher, a few seconds to understand, but some quiet laughter came from a few students. the teacher then of course had to explain as simply as she could that oral sex did not in fact mean talking about sex (I think the stupid bylaws of the program in our county didn't allow her to fully disclose what it was).
Anyway, we thought he was joking but as he heard the laughter from everyone after getting this explained to him, he slowly put his head down and covered his face for the next few minutes. Poor guy. I felt bad, but it was hard not to laugh. At least no one directly gave him s**t for it afterward
4. I saw my neighbor get a pizza delivery from two pizza guys (one must have been training) and he must have tried to say "have a great night" and "thanks guys" at the same time and ended up saying "have a great gays!" and the two guys just stopped and looked and my neighbor just shut his door and that neighbor was actually me
5. Alright, so my husband and I were driving around the city and it was pouring outside. Absolutely pouring. We were about to pass the lightrail train tracks (going in both directions) when the crossing gates came down because the lightrail was approaching.
One idiot in a van decided he could make it across before the gates came all the way down. He kept on driving, but he did not make it. Instead, his vehicle was now trapped between the gates.
We could see from our car that this person was PANICKING. His life was flashing before his eyes. In his movie mind, the lightrail was about to crash into the van and drag it for dozens of yards before finally stopping... so he did what anyone would do. He violently pushed the door open and RAN in the pouring rain for his life.
He was halfway down the street before he stopped, turned around, and noticed that the lightrail was patiently waiting for him to move the vehicle. The door was still open. My husband and I just about pissed ourselves laughing.
6. I was watching a symphony orchestra concert at the Sydney Opera House one evening. The concert hall foyer has these huge glass windows beneath the sails that overlook the harbourside. The sun hadn't quite set yet, and every audience member that was exiting the hall could see this incredibly drunk middle aged couple having sex on a bench outside the hall.
7. A guy making a cringey tap song as a proposal in a public restaurant and getting on one knee only for the girl to go quiet and look around and say “Justin, no! Wtf seriously?”
8. I used to work in nightclubs. I once witnessed a girl leaning against a wall, casually flirting with a guy and as she laughed she actually s**t herself. She was wearing a white dress and there was no hiding what had happened. The smell actually cleared the whole level of the club. She ran out crying. We had to clean poo off the floor where she had been standing. I often wonder what she is doing now...
9. Middle school graduation dinner, one of the other students had asked ahead of time if they could sing. For whatever reason, I don't know. So, while the rest of us are sitting at our tables eating, she gets up in front of us all with a guitar and starts singing Blackbird by The Beatles.
I don't think I'd ever heard her sing before, I have no idea why she wanted to (she was always one of the smartest people in our grade and achieved a lot academically so I think maybe she thought that transferred over to musical talent).
It was genuinely one of the worst things I'd ever heard in my life. She could not sing even a little. Her voice shook on every word, it cracked, she was out of tune. Every person had to stare at their down at their food while trying not to laugh in her face. I remember sitting next to my best friend and we just kept glancing at each other like "what the f**k is happening right now." Thinking of it now makes me laugh again, and I know that if I called up my friend right now and sang "blackbird singing in the dead of night..." that he would start to laugh too. It became a joke in our class.
She finished Blackbird, and then decided to follow it up with American Pie, which thankfully a lot of us knew the words to, and the teachers walked around encouraging us to sing together (and drown her out).
Part of me is like, well f**k it, she did it! She was brave! But I do wonder if she thought she was actually good or not.
10. During a liturgy at the cathedral, altar boys were kneeling attentively behind the Bishop as he presided at the altar - with the Deacon swinging the thurible (incense pot) in front.
As the bishop raised the monstrance to bless the people, he let out an incredibly loud fart that resounded in the ample acoustics of the building and aimed directly at the altar boys.
Everyone heard it - no mistaking the fart's telltale sound.
Thankfully, the Deacon came around with the thurible and immediately incensed the area where the boys were kneeling, while the assembly tried in vain to stifle their laughter.
11. Oh god help me
I’m gonna tell this story
I was a younger gal and crushed HARD on another girl at the stable I rode at. She didn’t know it.
Remember Tony Hawk for GameCube? Well around that time, in the game series you could create a skater. Design them, change body features, etc.
I once spent a solid 30 minutes creating a great replica of her. I used to play as her and so forth.
Flash forward to Christmas. This year was my family’s year to host the barn party. We had a great time.
Then I’m chilling and I hear the other girls say “oh cool, Danielle (me) has a GameCube. We should play something.” I thought nothing of it…wait…oh no. S**T! I know what game and memory card are in the system!
I walk into the room just as they are all staring at the choose a skater screen. Jennifer (my crush) is on the screen. I had her first and last name. She looked a lot like her.
You know that meme picture where it’s a party? First person view? Like 40 girls holding cups, cringing and staring at the viewer?
That’s what I walked into. I hid in my room until the part ended
12. I used to work for a small coffee shop that had three locations. I had a ridiculously big crush on a woman who worked at one of the other locations. I thought she was so pretty that I literally couldn’t remember how to talk around her.
For example, one time on my day off I stopped by her location to get a cold brew and she was working the register and was like “Hi Karl how’s it going?“ What I wanted to respond was “Oh pretty good but it’s been a long week” but all that came out was “…long”… Then I was so embarrassed I turned around and left without getting anything.
Worse than that, later that summer there was a big employee BBQ at the nearby river. I finally got over my s**t and had a really good conversation with her, made her laugh, all that good stuff. A little later I had to pee and went to the port-a-potty only to walk in on her going to the bathroom…
13. When I was in undergrad I lived at this house with 2 of my closest friends, and worked at a local movie theater. Our house became THE party house. We literally raged 8 days a week. Girls always over, that kind of thing. Well, one night I got way too drunk, decided I would go to bed around 10pm, sleep it off kinda thing. I sleep naked. Get up around 1am to go pee and didn't think anyone was still over. I had to walk through the living room to get to the bathroom. When I walked to the bathroom I turned off the lights, no one around. Go pee, realize I had to puke, took care of that, and opened the door to hobble back to bed. About 30 people, mostly my friends and coworkers simultaneously scream, start laughing, clapping, everything. I'm completely stunned and it took about 2 full, longest of my life, seconds to realize they're all staring at me naked. My sister was there. The girl I liked was there. Everyone was there. I covered my bits and I've never run into my room so far in my life. I think I actually died of embarrassment that night, because since then, I just don't get embarrassed. I didn't live that down for years.
Oh, and the reason no one was in the living room. About 10 of them went outside to smoke, the rest were already outside or had just arrived after closing the theater. So they hadn't even sat down before I gave them all a proper show.
14. Once when I was a toddler my family was at Walt Disney World and we were going to take a picture and I didn't want to and was throwing a fit and I was yanking on my mom's pants and accidently pulled her pants down. The photographer said we couldn't get a refund or retake the photos so we have a family picture of my whole family with my mom standing there with her pants down around her ankles and one with her turned around pulling up her pants (she was wearing thong underwear). She thinks it's funny now but at the time she was so embarrassed and mad
15. This JUST happened last week and I was feeling sympathy embarrassment for my boss. Sorry, I think this is long...
We had a VP visiting our office, I'll call her VP Betty. She's a great role model and seems to be a very kind person. The same can be said about my boss, I'll call her Boss Amy.
Boss Amy is in her office, I know she likes to listen to books while working and she has mentioned to me before that she likes romance novels. VP Betty walked in to the office to talk to Boss Amy... she grab her earbuds to take them out.
The only thing I can guess is that she somehow disconnected them while the book was still playing LOUDLY and just happened to be very sexually graphic and intensely vulgar for a quiet office setting. Things were throbbing, dripping, pounding, etc. Boss Amy starts basically yelping "oh no, no no no!! Stop! What's happening, I wasn't listening to this!! OH OH MY GOSH!! WHY WON'T IT STOP!?"
She's mashing the screen, hitting the volume and power buttons, it's still going. VP Betty has no idea what she's witnessing but is clearly upset and shouting at Boss Amy to turn it off.
Boss Amy is frantically hitting the phone on her desk at this point, probably preferring to break the phone and buy a new one to end this nightmare.
At this point it stops and Boss Amy huffs that she's so sorry, she didn't know what it was, how horrible and so on. AND THEN IT STARTED BACK UP AGAIN continuing with this very kinky NSFW story. Finally VP Betty just runs out and closes the office door for Boss Amy to get this under control.
A few minutes later I peek my head in and Boss Amy is packing up to go home. She said she's had enough of today... but if it was me I would have left to go cry in my car.
16. Was in a pool at a Euro beach resort. We’d been chatting with an old brit tourist, he got out of the pool and went to get changed poolside, using his towel to do the discrete swimming tog shuffle.
Suddenly up steps an angry Frenchmam wanting HIS towel back...
Turns out our poor retired gent had grabbed the wrong towel. There ensued a desperate tug-of-towel as a very stroppy Frenchman attempted to rip his towel from this poor old guy who was butt naked and frantically trying to save his modesty.
The old guy’s grandson saved the day, with an emergency towel transfer, but not before the whole pool complex had seen way too much hairy old British grandpa s****e.
17. When I worked at a deli my boss grabbed a woman's stomach and congratulated her, she wasn't pregnant.
18. I was at a food court and I got the brilliant idea to jump over a row of those plastic chairs and tables.. You know, the ones that are fixed to the floor.
Foot got caught and I fell flat on my face. I stood up to 30 people clapping. One guy yelled asking for my autograph.
19. Friend of mine who learnt how to do a burnout from just YouTube videos decided to do a burnout.
He thought the smoke was the tires spinning on the spot, it was actually the clutch being burnt out. We tried telling him but he thought we were egging him on until someone ran up to the driver side and switched the car off at the ignition.
Now this wouldn't have been too bad if he did this on a driveway or a side road to 3 or 4 people, but he entered himself into a amateur burnout contest and all this happened in front about about 200 people.
20. My chemistry teacher in high school was the nicest guy. He taught the whole class with his fly down. No one knew how to tell him and we didn’t want to embarrass him. The worst part was, we had lab with him the next period. His fly was up, but he was unusually quiet.
21. Took my children and a cousin to a natural water park that was a river running thru a valley that had worn its way into this smooth rock bed,it wore like marbel.
The water carried you along with natural slides and dips great fun
To ride down the river you first had to walk up it which was precarious in many places.
The kids Cousin (D) wasn't the most confident guy but I'd been doing lots of work with him to fix that and we had done lots of swimming prior to this holiday to get him ready .
I picked the safest route up and told the kids only step where I show you please.
As D made his way I pointed step there, pointing directly at a spot ,do not go the other side
D stepped the other side the water grabbed him snatched him off his feet and down.
wiped his trunks off and they were gone, suddenly D is flying nude down this river
atop the river on the hillside is a railed walking area ,there were 100s of people laughing and pointing down as this kid in the nip goes dashing by
22. I went to a small high school, so almost everyone knew everyone else. I know you read "small high school", but I mean the entire 9-12th grade student body was about 85 people at the time.
Two students, a guy and a girl, for some reason are talking mad s**t to each other for weeks. No one remembers how it started, no one even asks why these two are constantly yelling or fighting with each other. So one day, the conflict escalates into its obvious logical conclusion:
a dance battle.
It gets scheduled after both parties (and their respective groupies apparently) decide on a date and that it'll happen during a lunch period, and how they want to do this wild thing.
The whole school shows up. All 85 of us. Cue the girl, who brought out the biggest boom box and smallest piece of cardboard in history so she could do the worst version of "break dancing" the world has ever seen. I'm talking attempted head spins that go a full 180 degrees, crawling and writhing on the ground and saying "what're you gonna do about it b***h?". I'm fairly certain I recall her choice of song was Nelly's "Hot in here". She's 100% serious which makes it even worse.
The guy is completely unfazed. He's looking at her with the hardest death stare I've ever seen. It's worth mentioning at this point that this guy is essentially the class troll. He cannot stop f*****g with people to save his life. So he stops the music, puts in his cd into the player, and what pops out of the speakers?
That f*****g traditional "Hava Nagila" song you hear at every bar mitzvah known to mankind, and he starts doing a Russian Cosack dance (I apologize if that entire sentence bothers anyone). His "crew" is losing it, the girls crew is laughing their a**es off, and the main girl is visibly pissed.
Everyone agreed he won the dance battle.
For anyone who wants any additional info: yes, 85 students for an entire high school is considered well below average for a school in California. This school was also mostly white, consisting of middle class kids from the suburbs. It was a college-prep charter school, and school uniforms were mandatory (think khakis and polo shirts / button ups with school logo embroidery). I hope that information makes the visuals even more hilarious.
23. In HS this really dorky kid challenged this drill sargent wannabe teacher we had, saying he could do 20 push ups easily. To put it simply, kid was not fit. He was very lanky and clearly had no muscle. I really don’t believe that before that day he had ever attempted a push up in his life. He drops to the ground with an insane amount of blind confidence and goes to do a push up. He gets halfway into the first push up, and his body makes this really loud multiple-joints-cracking sound. He struggled for another second and then i guess the strain caused him to pass gas very loudly, then fall flat on his face. He grunted and laid there for a second before getting off the floor.
I was laughing so hard our teacher told me to leave the room. I had tears running down my face.
24. Community college in Tampa, 2009. Spanish class. Shy goth girl walks to the front of the class and plugs in her USB drive to boot up her PPT and begin her presentation like the rest of us did. Except when she pluged it in, a file opened up and the most vile anime p**n started playing. Everyone was mortified for her. It took her maybe 3-4 seconds to turn it off but the moment felt like forever. She said, "THIS IS MY BOYFRIEND'S DRIVE!" and ran out of the room crying. The teacher just moved on. The girl didn't show her face for a week. Just an absolutely insane moment.
25. I watched a guy run across campus in sagging pants, the pants fall to his knees tripping him, he trips but manages to do a sort of half summersault which launches the pants almost completely off of him but he manages to pull them up at a light jog pace while glancing around to make sure he wasn't seen before continuing to run off. I was in my car that had tinted windows so his secret is safe-ish with me. It was honestly impressive that he managed to save it from being the much more embarrassing pants-around-ankles, face-in-the-mud, and brightly colored boxerbriefs-in-the-wind it could have been.
26. I had a pretty old professor for immigration law and one night in class she let out a very loud fart. The class went silent and she made a comment about how that what aging gracefully was like. Everyone tried not to laugh because she was old and sweet, but she continued to let out loud long farts for the remainder of the 4 hour night class. I was mortified for her
27. There was this kid in my high school that was taking karate classes. He decided he wanted to fight a kid that was bullying him after school in the town park. A s**t ton of people went. He got all pumped up before the fight. Instantly, once the fight started, he began doing karate moves at the air. Once he reached the bully, the first thing he decided to do was a *very* flashy "spinning backhand"(?). He missed by a mile and was knocked out immediately. I felt really bad for him. He was always known for not being able to read situations very well and that, being his first normal fight, was just the absolute worst time to try that move out. Bullies suck. It was embarrassing for both of them.
28. At a pep rally to celebrate a sporting victory, a student insisted that he carry the school flag and run laps around the team. He tripped and fell onto the newly displayed trophy, immediately breaking it. This was on the front page of Reddit for a bit and I’m glad I witnessed it as my school’s claim to fame.
29. I was wearing sweatpants and got pantsed in front of an entire restaurant and my friend accidentally grabbed my sweatpants and briefs, so…