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1. I was actually the bartender but it was a hoot. 1st, wedding was outside and it stormed violently. Groom was hammered pre wedding. Hit on all the bartenders. Then the DJ got hammered, made lewd comments to women in the microphone. Then basically everyone was hammered, knocked over the wedding cake which also happened to be a table with many candles, so the place caught on fire. Good times. Often wonder how that marriage worked out.
2. The best man screwed the groom's mother between the meal and the dancing. The groom finds out and punches the best man, breaking his hand. The best man drives away and gets stopped by the police for drunk driving.
Being a wedding photographer is awesome.
3. Camo print wedding dress that was borderline see-through. Walked down the aisle to the Scooby Doo theme. No, nobody knows why they chose that song, including the couple themselves. They divorced a few months later after they both stopped cleaning the house in an act of defiance against one another.
4. My own. In a Mississippi judge's office with a bag of Cheetos on her desk. She wiped her hands on a napkin, grabbed a Bible, and did her thing with orange crumbs on her lips. Her work heels were not on because she was in her office. It was extremely rush. I understand that she was on her break but we didn't mind waiting. Idk why they rushed us thru.
5. A wedding where they had a flag that said “I had my wedding on Friday because Saturdays are for the boys”
6. The mother in law took a swing at the bride on the dance floor. Still blows my mind thinking about it.
7. A wedding on the beach behind Hooters. The officiant stood next to a trash bin. As if it was planned, the trash collector pulled up during the vows. Did he wait to change the bag? Absolutely not. Children at the wedding swarmed the couple like the flies around the trash can just after the kiss, stepping all over her dress. She bent over to adjust her sandal and a pack of Marlboro reds fell out of the bust along with her right breast.
It felt like we were rubber necking instead witnessing a marriage.
8. I don’t even know where to begin.. ceremony was comprised of immediate family then followed by a reception with all guests in a relatively nice hotel banquet hall. An hour in at 7pm the open bar was completely closed down because MULTIPLE guests were throwing up in the bathroom sinks causing flooding, the groom was so wasted even before the ceremony but was blackout by the time of reception. During the first dance he kept his hands in his cargo pant khakis the entire time and ate dinner sitting on the floor in a corner of the hall while the bride sat at the head table alone. About two hours in, the groom randomly left and slept at their house while the bride stayed in the newlywed suite by herself.. they are now separated as you may have assumed by this point.
9. Grooms best man went around with a naked photo of the groom. Showed everyone including the bride and grooms family. The worst part was there were kids at the wedding including the brides very young son and it wasn't a small photo either like on his phone it was a huge canvas of the groom nude.
10. I used to work at a place that had a very large tent-like building that was often used for weddings, receptions, celebration of life events, etc. It was on a local lake in a beautiful area. It was very expensive to rent out ($3,000-$5,000 depending on how much work from staff is required). Well one family rented it out for the trashiest wedding I had encountered there.
The wedding was "peacock themed" and the decorations consisted of black and teal paper plates, random peacock feathers, and teal paper cups. They wanted to put all this stuff out the night before the wedding. The owner warned them that this is basically a tent on the lake and things left out will get dirty and spider webbed overnight. They ignored this advice and then pitched a fit when they returned the next morning.
Next, the bride had neglected to try her dress on since she purchased it and had gained weight. She couldn't zip it. She ended up buying a white tank top to wear under it and left it unzipped.
Then after the ceremony, everyone was very inebriated and the bride's mother set up a chair on the middle of the dance floor had the groom sit there and cheered her daughter on as the bride gave the groom a very very vigorous lap dance.
11. Wedding was in a suburban driveway. The maid of honour stole the bouquet from someone’s garden and the best man proudly announced he had shoplifted the rings. The groom wore a button-down shirt that said ‘f**k off’ in fancy lettering. The bride stopped in the middle of the vows to tell her mother to ‘get that [friggin] kid out of here.’ It was her second kid by the previous bloke.
When it was over, we apologized to the celebrant. He said he’d seen worse.
12. A friend of the family is a wedding photographer. We went to dinner with her family a few weeks ago and she explained the most bizarre wedding she had ever been to (which happened to be that same day, and involved someone we all know)
Wedding was behind a trailer in a trailer park
Folding chairs clearly labeled "Property of [school]," there were two church pews, and several 5 gallon buckets turned upside down
Some of the wedding party arrived on riding mowers
The bride was wearing some screen-printed t-shirt, jeans, and a veil made from cheesecloth
The groom was wearing a jean vest with no shirt underneath and torn jeans
The bride had met the groom just over 3 months prior, as the groom was still married to his 1st wife at the time. Divorce takes 90 days here. Do the math.
Most of the guests were dressed like they were in the middle of doing yard work
Reception was in the same area. Several cases of PBR and Miller Lite, supermarket pre-boxed cheese and cracker spreads, and a few Bojangles fried chicken boxes
13. A family member of mines 2ND wedding reception was held INSIDE a indoor gun range. The groom was obviously an avid hunter because the entire wedding party was wearing camouflage suits and the bonus was the "open bar" consisting on two kegs of coors light sitting trash cans filled with ice.
14. Both of my middle sister's weddings.
Don't get me wrong, she's the sane one of my sisters and I actually really love her, but she has a, shall we say, unique sense of style.
Wedding #1 was while she was working as a carnie, and was held after closing time on the midway at some podunk county fair. I may well have been the only sober person there, and there were definitely more tattoos than teeth in attendance. She wound up leaving him when he turned out to be an abusive self-centered twat who contributed nothing to taking care of their kid.
Wedding #2 (just last year) was mostly okay, and BIL is a really stand-up guy. But y'all, the whole wedding theme was camo. My sister wore a camouflage wedding dress and matching crocs. BIL wore jeans and a dress shirt with a camo vest. The frigging cake was covered in camo-patterned ribbons and IDK where the hell she got camo patterned silk roses but the cake had a pile of those too.
15. Ceremony was in a park - not booked or decorated, just showed up and found a spot.
Reception was at a scout hall. No decorations again, and for catering the brides family went through Red Rooster drive thru and got a bunch of whole chickens and chips. Like, 5 different cars went through one after the other and ordered, they didn't even pre order.
Groom and all his friends were high as kites and only reason bride wasn't is because she announced she was knocked up.
Groom and his mates bought their dirt bikes and after eating went out and rode them around the hall. Was so loud and muddy.
16. The bride made a speech thanking her in laws for financial assistance for the event. Her mother was not thanked and she was furious. There was a long head table for bridal party and parents. It was made out of small tables pushed together covered by one long tablecloth. The mother pulled a small table out of the arrangement, catching the table cloth, and nearly destroying the head table set up. Now the bride got angry and there was much back and forth with various family members attempting to make peace. The mother refused to push back her table and began to invite others to sit with her, all people who were not meant to be seated at the front. Mother of bride continued to sit there and talk s**t about her daughter, the bride, to anyone who would listen.
17. The bride and her sisters did a strip tease/lap dance on the groom immediately following dinner. In front of his grandmother.
18. My friend group and I talk about this wedding to this day, and probably will for the rest of our lives. The bride and groom decided to do things on a very, very small budget. That's fine! Frugal weddings and budget weddings can be beautiful and nice! There is a difference between a frugal wedding and a cheap wedding, however, and this was cheap. For instance:
- The wedding was in July. They decided to hold it in a non-air conditioned park shelter.
- The decorations were actual trash. The bride decided me and the other bridesmaids needed tiny top hats, which she made from discarded styrofoam cups. Mine had ants in it.
- She asked me to be the MOH. I was flattered but confused. She'd had three MOHs before me, and they all quit for various reasons, mostly baby daddy drama related.
- She wanted live music but wouldn't pay a pianist. My friend Stephen's sister said she'd play the wedding march on a keyboard for 50 bucks. Said sister couldn't actually play the piano, but she did the prerecorded wedding march song. Nobody could tell the difference because the woman in charge of baking the cake got [drunk] the day before and was baking the cake in the non-air conditioned park shelter's little kitchen while listening to the radio. Very loudly.
- The bride and groom tried to write their own vows, got in a fight over it, and didn't tell the officiant until the day of that there were no vows. Fortunately, he was on it and had backup vows ready to go.
- The bride hadn't tried on her dress, which she'd bought from aliexpress, until the day of. It was way too small and we had to rip out the back and safety-pin in some satiny white fabric... which would have been great, if the dress hadn't been off-white. The groom made comments and it turned out that the whole dress thing was based on his mom offering to pay for the dress, then rescinding because she had to bail out his brother. My friend, instead of going to an actual store and buying a dress, picked one off of aliexpress.
This would have been less weird if I hadn't been dress shopping with her like, three times because her mom couldn't/wouldn't pick out a mother of the bride dress.
- The groom's ENTIRE FAMILY including his best man and his two groomsmen left right after the meal (spaghetti, green beans, and McDonalds orange drink) was served. The "DJ" (my friend Stephen and his Bose speakers) didn't know this and tried to announce the groom's dance with his mom... his mom had left. Apparently his family was furious that it was a dry venue. The only member of the family left was the ring bearer... who it turns out was forgotten. We had to take him home because his family wouldn't come get him.
- The groom slept through the rehearsal and showed up to the wedding drunk.
- We had to put another friend on bouncer duty because two of the bride's aunts tried to walk away with the cash envelope. We gave him the envelope because he was the tallest and we figured he could outrun the aunts.
- The bride's brother was originally on envelope duty but we caught him taking a 50 out of the envelope, so we had to take it from him.
- We had to politely inform the best man he couldn't smoke in the portajohn.
- We had portajohns instead of actual working bathrooms.
The worst, though, was the photographer. As MOH, I was informed day of that I had to keep the photographer 100 feet away from the ring bearer and flower girls at all times. He was a registered sex offender, but also the bride's uncle, and he volunteered to do the pictures for free, so... he ended up using a telephoto lens. Because he couldn't get close enough to the wedding party to take the pictures.
They divorced a couple months later after the house they were staying in burned to the ground. I have no idea to this day why they even got married.
19. It was at a Holiday Inn, the groomsmen all were brightly colored prom vests and jeans. I was a +1 to one of the bridesmaids, I just wore a regular suit, nothing fancy. I was still dressed better than the groom and I got dirty looks for it
20. I worked at a high-end golf club in Seattle that held extravagant weddings on a regular basis. This wedding in Samoa is perhaps my favourite:
-All of the guys wore lime green vests and snapbacks that matched.
-As mentioned in the contract, the wedding party must order food from the golf club's restaurant. Instead, they order Domino's, and the pizza delivery man serves them pizza while they sit in a beautiful restaurant.
-Right before the marriage, the bride and broom groom had a fistfight, which caused the ceremony to be postponed until bruises could be concealed with cosmetics.
-A live band was engaged to perform at the event, but they were not fed. The lead vocalist decides to speed down the hill during their first break to fetch a drink.
21. There were no tables and chairs. Like none. They had an open bar but no chairs. Everyone had to put their drink on the ground and hold their plate to eat. It was crazy.
Everyone just assumed that some sort of terrible thing happened where the tables and chair people didn't bring them but afterwards I asked her (the bride) what happened and she just said "Oh we would have had to pay extra for that."
22. A friend's wedding. She was walking down the aisle and had to pause to put out her cigarette. It was a small wedding and her friends thought it was hilarious. Married less than 2 years. She married him because he was in the military and she thought she was getting cash for life. He chose deployment to a war zone over staying with her.
23. I had one of my friends from highschool get married in a trashy way. His fiancé at the time invited him to lunch at Buffalo wild wings and she had also invited the whole family (they where in on it) and once my friend showed up he found out it was a surprises wedding (just like you would do a surprise birthday party) The even trashier part is they didn't like reserve the restaurant or anything so in his wedding photos (standing in front of the bathrooms by the way) you can see complete strangers coming out of the bathrooms.
24. a coworker of mine got married in her driveway. on the invitation it said that everyone had to wear the color purple and they served KFC and hostess cupcakes for dessert. music was a boom box with the local light rock station playing. the worst part was that she let her dogs crap all over the driveway during the reception so no one ever picked up the poop. we all just kinda weirdly hopped around it in our variety of purple hues.
25. Half Mormon half not Mormon wedding. The Mormon half was ultra Mormon, the non-Mormon half was a good amount recovering addicts. The mother got her daughters attention by just standing in front of whatever she was looking at including the groom, the photographer, the DJ, didn’t matter. Mom was also pretty high most of the wedding. 22 people in the bridal party, only 2 girls were the brides bridesmaids from before she met the Mormons. They kept getting frustrated because the Mormon bridesmaids kept pulling the bride away from them whenever they saw them all together alone. No alcohol served so the non-Mormon side went to the liquor store across the street and served their own. Cake smash fail, went straight into the bride’s hair. Mormon side started to talk crap about the drinkers and so the drinkers tried to pick fights with the Mormons. Wedding ended early, lots of tears. Such a hot mess wedding. The couple are both dentists.
26. I went to a wedding in a funeral home once. Drove by it three times before realizing that is was in fact the correct address for the venue. Reception and ceremony were there.. completely dry wedding too.
27. I went to a wedding that had a Matrix theme. The groomsmen all wore floor length leather jackets and tiny sunglasses. The MC made a slideshow of images from the movie with the groomsmen’s faces badly photoshopped on. They insisted on calling each other “Neo” and “Amorpheous” while high-fiving each other. It was painful.
There was a lot of tension at the wedding and it turned out that the groom had cheated on the bride a few weeks earlier but she had still decided to marry him. His family was really trashy and took the view that their son had cheated because the bride wasn’t good enough for him. The bride’s family was not trashy but pissed that she took him back and obviously hated the groom and his [lousy] family. The sister was the maid of honour and her speech was very sarcastic “just so glad to welcome you to the family… Greg” but it went over the head’s of the groom’s relatives. Everyone who knew the story was cringing.
The groom’s Dad was loaded. He stood up and told a long and convoluted story about a wife giving teaspoons of sugar to God which made no sense and seemed to have very sexist undertones. They cut quickly to the music and the drunk groom’s father hit the dance floor and started grinding with some woman who wasn’t his wife. His wife sees and has a s**t fit and starts screaming at him. They won’t stop fighting so they cut the music and have the four piece, high school band play classical music badly. It includes a squeaky clarinet.
Like a terrible foreshadowing from above, it starts pissing with rain and people start trying to politely leave. Last thing I see, is the groomsmen running to their cars with their trench coats folded up over their heads to protect their tiny sunglasses, while the band plays the squeaky Matrix theme song. It was amazing.
28. The bride had a little too much to drink. She was on her hands and knees throwing up on the front lawn of the reception hall while people were arriving.
29. I got married at a drive through in Las Vegas. The only photo I still had my seat belt on.
30. I'm so glad I can share this story again.
In my early 20s a childhood friend's sister was getting married. I was friendly with the family and all the siblings so I agreed to go. When I got the invitation it said on the invitation "no gifts please just money". This didn't seem like the bride. She would be fine with either. I then get contacted by bride's mother who tells me to get them a physical gift because the grooms mother is planning on taking any money they get as compensation for planning the wedding.
I get to the venue which is a church but the wedding is not actually in the main part of the church. It is in the church basement. So bizarre. It looks like the set up of a high school dance. My friend who's sister is getting married tells me that her sister never got her dress altered so they had to use safety pins. They walk down the "aisle" to a Metallica song playing on a boom box.
The ceremony was quick thankfully. No alcohol at the wedding. Ok, it is what it is. There was sparkling 99 cent grape juice at each table. I know it was 99 cents because the stickers were left on the bottles. Brides mother comes over to me and said I wouldn't eat the food. It was actually food that was supposed to be for meals on wheels and some of it was frozen leftovers of food that wasn't used. This was the groom's mother's idea since she was "paying" for the wedding.
I gave the bride and groom my gift. They said thank you and seemed perfectly happy with getting a physical gift. Groom's mother comes over to me and asks me why I didn't get them cash or a check for a gift. That it said that right on the invitation. I played dumb and said I must have missed that. She was pissed.
Lastly there was a guy there who took a liking to me. He was dressed in a white tank top, backwards hat and sweatpants. You know, some proper wedding attire... He told me he just got out of jail for drugs and that the bloods and the crips wanted him in their gangs. I told him that's interesting because he's white and I thought they didn't usually recruit white guys. He said they just really wanted him and that he hung out with black people all the time. He then told me that you could cure AIDS by injecting dish soap. It cleans out the blood. He asked for my phone number. I declined. Shockingly the marriage only lasted a few years. Groom has full custody of their two kids because bride is not capable of taking care of their children. She had social services called on her multiple times.
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