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1. I saw tiny tiny bugs crawling over a little flower among the grass. I realized they had never heard music before, poor lil guys, so I put my phone next to the flower and gave them the concert of a lifetime
2. The bouncer at the entrance of the club put his arms out to indicate that I should do so for him to pat me down. Instead, I thought he wanted a hug so I hugged him.
3. I convinced myself that I could really walk and it was just mind over matter, and despite my boyfriend and friends telling me not to, I rose up from my wheelchair and, promptly fell under the pub table.
I was covered in bruises, and I had a sore bum for days. My boyfriend and his best mate had to retrieve me from under the table.
4. Not dumbest but laziest. I microwaved something and when I opened the door to get it because it wasn't centered on the turning plate, it was a bit further from the door. So I closed it and restarted the microwave another 5s to get it closer to me so I didn't have to reach so far back to get it.
5. I microwaved cheesecake because stoned me found it odd that it was always served cold and not hot like it should be. And on a related note, piping hot cheesecake will take those munchies away real quick
6. One night I go in the backyard to get high. I leave the backyard lights off so that my older neighbors can’t see what I’m doing cause I’m immature like that lol. I got a glass of ice water in one hand and I stepped into my pitch-black backyard.
Every time I move I hear a sound like there is an animal stalking me in the many bushes in my backyard. Whenever I stop the sound stops but once I start moving again it sounds to me like the leaves in the bushes in our backyard are rustling and there is an animal in them. If I try to go back toward my back door the sound follows me. If I move further into the backyard the sound follows me. I am legit freaking out thinking there is a big animal stalking me in my backyard.
Turns out it was just the ice in my drink clinking every time I moved. I never felt so stupid in my life
7. Needed to go into the gas station to get another dutch. Noticed for whatever reason my best friend's boyfriend had a full chicken costume in the backseat. I decided it would be funny to wear JUST the mask into the gas station. Didn't realize how bad I f*cked up til the girl at the register started screaming for the guy in the backroom.
They had just been robbed 2 weeks prior
8. A sober friend put the other high guy's phone in my bag, I found it funny so I left it there. I completely forgot and took it home with me, later on, an alarm goes, so I go investigate and then find the phone. Tried to tell the guy and called his phone. The phone that was in my hand.
9. Once I was eating a burrito like a ravenous beast and straight-up bit my own finger.
Another time I was gaming and my hands were cold, as I can get bad circulation. Well, I sat there thinking “man it would be great if they made socks, but for your hands” and thought I had a great idea. 10 seconds go by and then “Oh yeah, gloves!”. Had a good laugh at myself for that one
10. Playing video games with my bro, split-screen MW3. I'm absolutely crushing it then I realized I'm looking at the wrong screen, my dude is in a corner moving and shooting the wall.
11. I was typing on the computer and kept trying to make the numbers uppercase because I couldn’t figure out why I was just getting %]%*]+
12. Once I was looking at the moon and I was just noticing the details in it, and I took a step forward to get a closer look like a dumbass
13. I was high as a kite with some friends. I look up at the sky and I was in awe. There were dozens of shooting stars through the sky. About 2 mins later I realized the stars weren’t moving but the clouds were
14. One time when I was in high school, my mom went grocery shopping and of course, I used her time away to smoke a joint. When she came back with the groceries, she called me out to the car to help bring them inside. I put some Visine in, slipped on my flip-flops, and headed for the car. As I’m bringing the groceries in maybe two, three bags at a time, I’m bringing them all the way to my bedroom instead of the kitchen.
My mom locks the car, walks in the kitchen, and says “where the hell are the groceries?..” I’m standing there, eyes bloodshot because the Visine didn’t kick in yet ,like “…oh sh*t.”
15. Was with a group of friends with a bong in rotation, my turn in rotation so I spark up, it was quite windy and I’m not the best so It was taking me a bit
One of them said something that caught my attention so I stopped what I was doing to say something. And then I went back to trying to spark up. For the life of me, I could not get it, I was trying another 5 minutes and I’m thinking “why the fuck can’t I do this the wind ain’t even blowing anymore”
I was attempting to spark up an open water bottle which was a bit to the left of the actual bong.
Two of my friends were deadass watching the whole time thinking I was just f*cking around, but no I genuinely didn’t even notice immediately.
At least it gave all of us a good laugh
16. I got super blazed one night near the beginning of pandemic lockdown and went across the street to the drugstore to get some chips and such.
As I approached the automatic glass doors I saw a person standing on the other side, so I waited for them to come through. I stood there waiting for what felt like an eternity.
I was getting frustrated, like “what’s up with this clown? Can't they see I’m waiting for them?” Then I realized it was just my reflection.
17. This one time I was Infront of my TV watching "comedians in cars getting coffee" I had my bong on the coffee table between me and the TV. I am seeing Jerry Seinfeld driving someone in New York and suddenly I can see a cop car joining their lane behind them. I quietly and slowly took the bong down on the floor so the cops can't see it.
18. Almost gave myself hypothermia.
While on a hike I picked up a big ass rock to throw onto a frozen lake and break the ice. I decided to walk out onto the ice to throw it.
Rock hit the ice, ice broke, I fell in. Had to walk about 2 miles back to the car.
19. Ate cat food. When I lived with my parents they had 2cats. They would buy huge bags of cat food and put the food in a 5gallon bucket with a lid and keep it in the garage. Usually to keep it safe from outdoor animals since it's the country and there are possum, raccoons, mice, and other small critters. Well, I got home one night from hanging out with friends and saw the bucket of food was open. I went inside and the self-feeder was close to empty, so I decided to refill it. When I went to the bucket of cat food I wondered if it was stale cause I wasn't sure how long the bucket of food was left open. So I ate a handful and chewed a couple times until I realized what the hell I was doing and spit it out. I still don't know if it was stale or not, it was just crunchy lol
20. Not me but my sister (we were both high at the time). We were cooking dinner, can't remember the dish, I think it was poblano tacos with some Monterey jack. Idea is, you hollow out the peppers, put the cheese inside then put them over an open fire to char the pepper and melt the cheese. Well, while one was cooking, I was prepping another. I can't remember how long it was, but for a good min or so, I hear "my name the cheeeeese" in a soft and quiet voice. Took me a bit to realize she was trying to get my attention, then I noticed one of the peppers was on fire while she was standing there, staring at the stove still whispering "the cheeeeeese" and not doing anything about it. Pepper tasted great though.
21. When Starlink first launched, my husband and I didn’t know about it and were smoking a fat blænt up on the mountain. We looked at the sky and saw it and started losing our minds because we thought aliens were invading and the lights were their ships. Husband took a video of us losing our marbles because we were feeling impending doom, but then his brother called him a few minutes later to explain what it was and we felt like dumbasses lol.
22. I went through the McDonald's drive-thru and ordered a large chocolate Coke
23. I forgot how 3d works. I was looking at a window and didn't realize why one part of the window was bigger than the other... oh because it's closer, yeah makes sense
24. Was holding my cereal in one hand and phone in the other. Went to toss the phone on my bed, tossed the cereal instead.
25. Laughed at the popcorn ceiling because they looked like nipples to me. I’m a 40-year-old woman.
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