That's the actual amount of Doritos in abag I just opened, but that's a story for another time.
Indra Nooyi, the C.E.O. of PepsiCo (a corporation responsible for too many products including Frito-Lays Chips), appeared on a podcast this week and dropped a bombshell: A new product. It's Doritos, but for women!
According to Nooyi, women don't like many of the things that make Doritos the chip they are today.
When you eat out of a flex bag — one of our single-serve bags — especially as you watch a lot of the young guys eat the chips, they love their Doritos, and they lick their fingers with great glee, and when they reach the bottom of the bag they pour the little broken pieces into their mouth, because they don’t want to lose that taste of the flavor, and the broken chips in the bottom. Women would love to do the same, but they don’t. They don’t like to crunch too loudly in public. And they don’t lick their fingers generously and they don’t like to pour the little broken pieces and the flavor into their mouth.
Women and men sure are different! The C.E.O. doubled down on her early nineties-standup bit.
And yes, we are looking at it, and we’re getting ready to launch a bunch of them soon. For women, low-crunch, the full taste profile, not have so much of the flavor stick on the fingers, and how can you put it in a purse? Because women love to carry a snack in their purse.
Chips for your purse! Surely this will be perceived well in this day and age in The Year of Our Lord 2018. We as a corporate entity are able to relate to you humans! We are "hip" and "with it." The podcast was released and then, of course, the internet found out.
Women: We want equal pay for equal work and an end to sex discrimination in the workplace.— Marie Connor (@thistallawkgirl) February 5, 2018
Society: Here’s a bag of Lady Doritos so you won’t have to crunch too loudly in front of your male colleagues.
I want to know how the Lady Doritos conversation went— megan (@m_dot_brown) February 5, 2018
Bob: Hey Sharon! Doritos needs to take a stronger stance in the Me Too movement. Any ideas?
Sharon: Equal pay... perhaps more resources for women who experience harassment in the workplace?
Bob: Doritos for Ladies. Got it!
I see your Lady Doritos and raise you my ‘Manpons’ ™️. Tampons for men. Stick them in your mouth and shut the fuck up.— Mr Roger Quimbly (@MrRogerQuimbly) February 5, 2018
If ever this terrible idea product sees the light of day, rest assured the eBaum's World staff will be here for a taste test.