As Will Smith once said in the 2005 box office smash hit Hitch, "With no guile and no game, there's no girl." Fast forward nearly 20 years and it's safe to say that nobody should be taking dating advice from Will or Jada. However, the sentiment still rings true. Some men just don't have game.
Thanks to the lunatics over at AskReddit, we've gathered some of the most wholesome and dim-witted stories from men who clearly couldn't read the signs. Hey, it happens to the best of us.
The first response comes to us from user rcowie. "My now wife gives me shit about this all the time so it's safe to share here. Back when we were dating, it was a cold winter's night and she texted that she was cold and if there was anything I could do to warm her up. I offered to plastic seal her windows. Yeah, I totally missed that pitch."
Redditor RemiX-KarmA shared this cringe-tastic tale. "Beginning of freshman year. Had P.E. (weightlifting.) A sophomore girl way out of my league came to me to spot her. She dragged the bar down so fast I touched her breasts. A few seconds in I noticed her smiling and winked at me and I backed off. Said I was sorry and got scared that I would be called in for sexual harassment. She still tried to talk to me and I ended up shrugging it off like an idiot. So yeah."
Stale_Cheeze might have the best twist out of all these stories. "At bar about ten years ago, she and I kept making eye contact. Every time our eyes would lock, she would smile and play with her hair. I’d just nod. She eventually came up to the bar next to me when there was no one at the front of the bar. She bumped into me after getting her drink and spilled it on my shirt. She immediately grabbed napkins and kept apologizing profusely and using the napkins to dry my shirt."
"I kept telling her it was fine, she offered me her number and kept saying she owed me a shirt and to contact her tomorrow and we will go get one and maybe some lunch. I refused but took her number to be polite. Never entered the number in on my phone. About 6 months went by. I found the napkin with her number in my jacket pocket from that night. I ended up texting her. Now we are married, and I’ve never gotten that shirt replaced to this day."
"Back in '84, I was working at this cool department store and this was this shy girl I'd chat it up with. I talk to anyone, so it was no big deal on my end. I was also a movie nut, so I'd say "Hey, have you seen this or that?" and she'd give me an exasperated look and say "No. No, I haven't I need someone to go with." I'd be like "Ah, well, it's a good one." We've been married for 33 years." -The68Guns
"As I played the organ, she would turn pages for me and brush her body against my back while moving from right to left behind the organ bench to grab the next page. I thought she was rubbing me due to tight quarters between my organ and the choir loft railing." -Back2Bach
If ever there was a response that defined Reddit, this would be it. "Friend of a friend type deal, we'd only ever hung out at events where our to peer groups happened to meet up, honestly didn't even know she had my number. She calls me late one night says she's got a paper due the next morning and her laptop just died."
"Wanted to know if I could come over and help. I'm thinking poor girl must have gone through everyone else before calling me and head over. I get there and she's in boy shorts and a wife beat, I'm thinking this must be what she lounges in. Sit down at the laptop and promptly discover a virus. She was not expecting this. Take me a good hour to fix everything, I thanked her for the opportunity it was a new virus so it was interesting, I was also embarrassed it took me so long and bounced." -tdasnowman