You won't find a more thorough or in-depth ranking anywhere else. We've put in the man-hours and done our due diligence.
Thanks to the NFL player arrest database, we've ranked the teams with the least alcohol-related arrests to the most dating back to the year 2000. Just to answer that one burning question; Who is the drunkest team in the National Football League.
32. Philadelphia Eagles
I know. I'm just as shocked as you are. But according to our research, the Eagles are the least drunk team in the league. Coming in at 2 alcohol-related arrests, look for them to make a playoff push this season.
31. New England Patriots
No real surprise here. The Patriots have been one of the most disciplined teams under Bill Belichick since he took over in the year 2000. With only 3 arrests directly related to alcohol, it's no wonder they're always one of the top tier teams in the league.
30. Green Bay Packers
One of the NFL's most storied franchises, the Packers don't have time to drink. Only 4 arrests on their RAP sheet.
29. Pittsburgh Steelers
The Steelers join Green Bay with only 4 arrests. Which is surprising considering how much their fanbase loves to drink.
28. Houston Texans
All I'll say is if I played for the Texans, I'd be getting absolutely shit-hammered every night. 5 arrests for this lost franchise.
27. Detroit Lions
The Lions also come in with 5 arrests. Although we may see those numbers rise now that Jared Goff is at the helm.
26. Atlanta Falcons
Now without both Julio Jones and Todd Gurley, who knows what this team's identity will be. Raise a glass to our fallen comrades, Atlanta also has 5 arrests.
25. Buffalo Bills
Again, you'd think with Bills Mafia and the copious amounts of alcohol consumed on game day that Buffalo's numbers would be higher. But just 6 arrests to their credit.
24. New York Jets
The Jets also carry 6 arrests. Even with everything that's gone wrong for this team recently, Zach Wilson looks to turn things around in NY.
23. New York Giants
Tied with both the Jets and Bills at 6 arrests, the Giants could be a dark horse team this season if they can stay healthy.
22. Carolina Panthers
I refuse to believe this team isn't drunker than the numbers show. Sam Darnold is now their starting QB. Enough said. 7 arrests.
21. Dallas Cowboys
We'll get a first hand look at the 2021 Cowboys as they face the Bucs on Thursday Night Football. With a healthy roster and only 7 arrests, this team has playoff potential.
20. Baltimore Ravens
When you have a guy like Lamar Jackson on your squad, your offense always has a chance to be dangerous. But be careful. In a city like Baltimore, what else is there to do but drink? 7 arrests.
19. Los Angeles Rams (formerly St. Louis Rams)
Rounding out the 7 arrest club, we have the Rams. Which is pretty impressive considering they were once located in a completely different city.
18. Arizona Cardinals
With a young leader in Kyler Murray and JJ Watt now on defense, this should be a fun team to watch. 9 arrests for Arizona.
17. Las Vegas Raiders (formerly Oakland Raiders)
9 arrests is tame compared to what awaits in the future. This is Vegas, baby! Where bottle service and strippers grow on trees. Let's pump those numbers up.
16. Miami Dolphins
I guess South Beach just isn't what it used to be. Only 9 arrests for Miami.
15. Los Angeles Chargers (formerly San Diego Chargers)
Also with 9 arrests, the Chargers look to 2nd year QB Justin Herbert to stay on the straight and narrow.
14. Cleveland Browns
Forget the fact that the Browns have never even come close to a Super Bowl Championship. The city pales in comparison to its big brother, Pittsburgh. It only makes sense that they come in with double digits at 10 arrests.
13. Washington Football Team
Also with 10 arrests, the Football Team is still trying to figure out its literal name. So that's fun.
12. Chicago Bears
With legends like Jim McMahon, Jay Cutler, and Mike Ditka I'm shocked that the Bears' numbers are this low. 10 arrests for Chicago.
11. Tennessee Titans
There is literally a song called 'Tennessee Whiskey.' 11 arrests for the mighty, mighty Titans.
10. Kansas City Chiefs
Seeing as how there's nothing else to do in Kansas City except lick BBQ sauce off their fingers, it makes sense that the Chiefs would have 11 arrests.
9. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
'Champa Bay.' You know with a roster full of guys like Antonio Brown, Rob Gronkowski, and Leonard Fournette that locker room is gonna be party central. Look for the Bucs to increase their 11 arrest RAP sheet fairly early this season.
8. Jacksonville Jaguars
12 arrests, because Florida gonna Florida.
7. Cincinnatti Bengals
Ahh, the drunkest team in the AFC North. The Bengals haven't won a playoff game since 1991. They collected 12 arrests and it shows.
6. New Orleans Saints
12 arrests for the Saints, and we're waiting with bated breath for that number to go up now that Drew Brees has retired.
5. Indianapolis Colts
Ownership must be drunk if they think Carson Wentz is going to be successful. 13 arrests.
4. San Francisco 49ers
There's no joke here. San Francisco is clearly a party town. 13 arrests.
3. Seattle Seahawks
Until Seattle decides to go back to their silver uniforms and ditch the lime green, you can't convince me otherwise that they aren't one of the drunkest teams in the league. 14 arrests.
2. Denver Broncos
Yep, you read that correctly. The Denver Broncos are the 2nd most drunk team in the NFL. Their whopping 15 arrests is enough to give even the most degenerate of gamblers some confidence.
1. Minnesota Vikings
The numbers don't lie. And according to our research, the Vikings have an astounding 21 alcohol-related arrests since 2000. Maybe it's the four Super Bowl losses. Maybe it's losing star receiver, Stefon Diggs. Maybe it was that weird Brett Favre era. Whatever it is, Minnesota loves the booze. Look for the Vikings to hold down that number one spot, as Kirk Cousins tries to lead this offense.