The SHIZNIT 5 & 6

Woah.  Hey, woah.  Have to play a lil ketchup. Missed my blog entri from two days ago and posted that yesterday, now I'l have to bring you yesterdays poop today.  And then todays poop after yesterdays poop, which will also be today. All at the speed of 88MPH.. VAROOOOOMMMMMMMM!!!!                                                                                                K check it. Yesterdays poop was like this.  Plop. Plop plop. A .6lbs poopy, easy on the eyes as well as the buttocks. Wiping was effortless.  It took quite a bit of coffee before my tummy was a rumblin, then after a couple beers I knew it was time.  Day beer isn't something I normally engage in, but I have a friend who works nights and he usually wants me to meet him at the bar at 11am.  When my kid was in school that was a totally easy thing to do. Not so much anymore.  Trading in my morning drinks for trips to the zoo.  At the zoo they have zoodoo which is just animal poop they sell for people to use in their gardens.  Not only is it great to use as fertilizer but I can imagine, as I haven't tried it yet myself, that it helps to keep pests away, especially if the zoodoo contains predator doo.  LOL. doody.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               K yesterdays poop was good. On to today.                                                                                     
I woke up feeling a bit of pressure in my doody hole.  I didnt have any gay dreams I SWEAR TO GOD.  I just woke up with that damn I gotta poop feeling.  Well, off to the toilet I went.  I had already been up an hour and a half or so before to pee, so i flew to the the scale and noted my weight.  Pooping went as expected, at first.  Poop came out of my butt.  Morning poops are awesome.  I jumped on ebaums and said "first!" on a feech that was already up for an hour.  It was hilarious.  Somebody gave me a thumbs up (it was me).  I wiped took a look and it was a pretty good lookin poop, before I tossed the TP in with the doodoo and covered it up for good.  A few more wipes and I was in the clear... but then.  It happened.  There I was all ready to flush.  My butt was clean, and my phone was resting on the edge of the sink.  This is the problem with low flush toilets... they really only have room for one poop. One poop, three or maybe four wipes.  But this... this just ruined the whole experience.  BOOM.  I pooped again.  I mean, not completely unexpectedly, I could feel a rumble, I knew it was coming, but there was no time.  No time to flush and run away.  I mean, I wasn't going to flush wile I was still sitting on the crapper.  Not in my own house, anyway.  So there it was.  A fresh log sitting on top of my poop rags.  What was I to do?  Waddle away and hope it all goes down in one flush before coming back to poop? The thought crossed my mind.  Screw it, I thought.  Aint nobody got time for that.  I wiped and flushed.  Hopped up on the scale.  .6 pounds.  .6?!?  After that first log, which I expected to be .6 itself, and then another train of mini logs, which were much more watery than the first, should have at least netted another .2, but no. Its possible that the first log had been full of farts.  It smelled pretty bad.  Took a while for that smell to really fill the room though.  I don't have a fan in that bathroom so window open and a bit of spray is the best I can do but I didn't do either, and when I came back to grab my phone about 5 minutes later it was awful.  I mean.... AWFUL.  You know what I noticed, though?  Basically two poops, two wipes, and the whole thing went down in one flush.  I guess I just got lucky :D

                                                                                                                                            Speaking of shit, I'm watching How To Eat Fried Worms.  Justin Beiber is in it.  At first I was like whaaaaat? Is that JB?  So I go to look it up online.  I search Google.  I check IMDB.  Nothing. Anywhere.  ChaCha, like usual, had the shittiest answer that did anything but address the question.  I keep watching, while writing this blog, and SURE AS SHIT, there's the Beibster.  Unmistakable.  Why in the hell is this erased from the internets? That kids character isn't listed in the imdb credits.  Its like he never existed.  Is he that ashamed of this performance?  He's not that bad.  Its definitely him tho.  What a piece of shit.
And now you know.  This is the SHIZNIT
Uploaded 06/21/2013
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