Lots of people pissing me off today. 'Tis the season, I guess. Rather than focusing my rage on one cockbag, I'll knock this one down nice-n-easy with a communal piss off list. Here goes:

To the asshole who:

1) Hit my car backing into a parking space at the corner store while I was buying smokes. Accidents happen, shit gets icy, it probably wasn't your fault. Trying to hide the faux pas, however, makes you a cockbag of epic proportion. And while we're at it, quit being so damn lazy trying to cover your accident. Don't go park in the space across from where you were trying to park and come into the store like nothing happened. (It's winter asshole! Snow leaves tracks!) I'm happy to say that one didn't go unpunished.

2) Swiped my gloves from the shopping cart at Zehrs (a grocery store). Yeah, I'm an idiot for both leaving my cart unattended and for leaving my gloves in the top basket, but really! Those were my sweet-ass smoking gloves! I could keep them on and still finish a cigarette as I normally would. Balls.

3) Thinks it hillarious to put bumperstickers all over the rear portion of his car. I sat behind this guy in traffic for about twenty minutes starting at his douche "My Other Car Is The USS Enterprise" and "Don't Screw With Me" (with a little cartoon screw looking all angry) decals. Who the hell thinks this shit is still funny?

4) Let their dog lay a fresh shit at the edge of my driveway and try and cover it with snow. I was scraping doggie crap out of my kid's boot-treads for a half hour with a popcicle stick because YOU were too lazy to bring a bag, or at the very least throw a little more snow over it than you did. It was pretty "fresh", so I'm thinking I missed the culprit by mere minutes.

5) Put a "we clean carpets!" billet in the edging of my front window, only to have the wetness soak the paper and spackle it against the window, then have it freeze. I got most of it off, but there's a lot of bright orange paper left behind that needs to be scraped. Maybe I'll give them a call and have 'em come back out to do that.

Today was a trying day. Plus, the re-run of The Simpsons that just started seems to be one of those dreadful Lisa-heavy stories.

I think I'll call it an early night.

Thanks for reading,

-The Big Bad