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1. An alarm clock that simulates a sunrise.
Buy one here. (Model that simulates a girlfriend not included)
2. Super portable coffee maker and mug.
Minimize your life starting here.
3. A tracking device that won’t let you lose your keys or wallet again.
Don't lose the link to buy one here, you forgetful son of a bitch.
4. A toothbrush that shows the spots you’ve missed.
Buy it here and get your mouth right.
5. A personal sleep manager that monitors your brainwaves and figures out when it’s the best time for you to wake up.
Get it right here, sleepyhead.
6. A heated bed table or "Kotatsu" if you want to eat breakfast without getting up.
Get a version of one here for $127.90, and become the lazy breakfast eater you always knew you could be.
7. An alarm clock that runs away from you.
Don't let it run away from you at $39.99 here.
8. A sandwich maker that cooks a perfect breakfast in 5 minutes.
It'll take you less than a minute to buy one here for $19.18.
9. A brush that can cleanse your face in one minute.
Clean up your nasty visage right here.
10. An alarm that helps you let off some steam by shooting it.
Pull the trigger on this bad boy here.
11. A helicopter alarm that flies in the air when ringing.
Buy it here for $15.99.
12. A Tovolo pancake pen that turn breakfast into a chance to unleash your dark creative energies.
Open that pandora's box here
13. A bedroom rug that forces you to stand up before it starts bugging you.
Enter a personal Saw-like morning hell of your own design here.
14. A waterproof speaker that allows you to listen to your favorite music when taking a shower.
Buy the speaker here. Buy the music wherever Bhad Bhabie albums are sold.
15. A pancake maker that helps you cook perfect eggs and pancakes.
Become the professional three Michelin star chef you always knew you could be here.
16. A voice-activated assistant that can answer any of your morning questions. Such as "Am I loved?" "Will I get feeched today?" and "Why haven't I bought an amazon spot already for $129.99 right here. "