When my girlfriend found my porn.

When I drive by my childhood home and see a new family playing in the front yard.

When my brother stepped on the wrong floorboard while we were sneaking outside.

When I realized it wasn't a fart.

When I'm already super drunk and my friends ask if I want another shot.

When I return from a bathroom break to my Calculus lecture and see the board.

When my girlfriend is undressing to get in the shower.

When I am too old to play in the ball pit.

When I was in college: "Sure, I'll take your flyer."

After my hands have been down my pants.

EA's Response To Being Named The Worst Company in America.

Waking up alone after a recent breakup.

When one of my kids is acting up and I see steam coming out of my girlfriends ears.

After multiple alcoholic beverages.

When I'm walking with my lesbian friend, and a ridiculously hot girl is across the street.

When I see my ex at a party and she tells me she made a mistake dumping me.

When my dogs get too aggressive while they're playing.

How I feel immediately after fapping.

When a friend says her boyfriend doesn't masturbate.

When a chick flick makes me laugh.

Watching the beginning of Up.

When my four year old son says his favorite part of camping is laying in the tent and talking to me before bed.

When my ex asks if Im single.

After I told my girlfriend that she gained some weight.

As an American, watching the Koreans right now.

That unexpected graphic sex scene during a movie with your parents.

My immediate reaction when I'm drunk and I hear anything resembling music.

When I realize I chewed on a borrowed pen.

When people ask me what I'm planning to do with my Japanese language degree.

When I think I can handle one more shot of tequila.