25 Universal Rules Real Men Live By

PocketEpiphany Published 05/06/2022 in Funny

Are you a REAL man or not? The truth is that there are countless people giving contradictory advice on how to be a man. Fortunately, being a real man isn't that hard. All you have to do is follow these universal rules and you'll be fine!

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1. When you become a father all your sneezes must be loud and violent.
2. Unless you feel genuinely threatened, never purposefully hit a man in the balls.
3. If you're bald and I'm bald, we're automatically bald brothers.
4. When leaving you must smack your pockets to make sure everything is there.
5. Not taking the last beer when you didn't pay for it.
6. Some tools require "testing" before use. Examples include: "Click click" tongs, Squeeze the trigger of a power drill a couple times, Spin the socket of a ratchet wrench to make sure it's going the right way.
7. When she tells you she's not hungry for whatever you're ordering, order more cuz she'll definitely be eating your stuff.
8. Roast your bro when he's happy, comfort him when he looks depressed.
9. Always clean the sides of the toilet bowl with your urine stream. If it sparkles when you’re done, you win.
10. Any object carried by another male is immediately assessed for its weapon capacity.
11. When a friend asks for help, you help them.
12. Never turn your homie into a clown, just to make a girl laugh. That just sucks.
13. The W I D E step. Y’all know.
14. You must let out a sigh of satisfaction when sitting down on a lawn chair.
15. One shall slap the bag of soil in the garden center when passing by.
16. Only the driver can modify anything on the dashboard from the car.
17. Nod down to guys you don’t know, Nod up to friends.
18. You have to rip off icicles from roofs and throw big rocks in lakes when given the opportunity
19. You must stand by your bro while he's grilling, and make comments about the level of awesome it's going to be.
20. When at a bar or restaurant and a buddy shows up, you must say some form of "I guess they'll let anyone in here"
21. Don't spit or piss into the wind.
22. Borrow a car - bring it back with more gas than you started with.
23. You cannot call shotgun in a friend's car if he has his girlfriend/wife in the group.
24. You can shake and you can dance but the last drops always end up in your pants.
25. Stud finder. Always gotta check on yourself to make sure it works.

1. When you become a father all your sneezes must be loud and violent.
2. Unless you feel genuinely threatened, never purposefully hit a man in the balls.
3. If you're bald and I'm bald, we're automatically bald brothers.
4. When leaving you must smack your pockets to make sure everything is there.
5. Not taking the last beer when you didn't pay for it.
6. Some tools require "testing" before use. Examples include: "Click click" tongs, Squeeze the trigger of a power drill a couple times, Spin the socket of a ratchet wrench to make sure it's going the right way.
7. When she tells you she's not hungry for whatever you're ordering, order more cuz she'll definitely be eating your stuff.
8. Roast your bro when he's happy, comfort him when he looks depressed.
9. Always clean the sides of the toilet bowl with your urine stream. If it sparkles when you’re done, you win.
10. Any object carried by another male is immediately assessed for its weapon capacity.
11. When a friend asks for help, you help them.
12. Never turn your homie into a clown, just to make a girl laugh. That just sucks.
13. The W I D E step. Y’all know.
14. You must let out a sigh of satisfaction when sitting down on a lawn chair.
15. One shall slap the bag of soil in the garden center when passing by.
16. Only the driver can modify anything on the dashboard from the car.
17. Nod down to guys you don’t know, Nod up to friends.
18. You have to rip off icicles from roofs and throw big rocks in lakes when given the opportunity
19. You must stand by your bro while he's grilling, and make comments about the level of awesome it's going to be.
20. When at a bar or restaurant and a buddy shows up, you must say some form of "I guess they'll let anyone in here"
21. Don't spit or piss into the wind.
22. Borrow a car - bring it back with more gas than you started with.
23. You cannot call shotgun in a friend's car if he has his girlfriend/wife in the group.
24. You can shake and you can dance but the last drops always end up in your pants.
25. Stud finder. Always gotta check on yourself to make sure it works.