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The 16 Funniest Headlines of the Week (October 28, 2023)

The world is huge and weird and we at eBaum's World try to cover the outrageous happenings as much as possible but sometimes certain other sites beat us to it and in turn make a headline with the most insane string of words possible.

20 Simple Things That Totally Infuriated People

Mission: Impossible-Style Thieves Rappel into Dealership, Steal 9 Cars

When employees of Northtown Auto Sales in Spokane, Washington came into work on Tuesday, they noticed that someone had cut a hole in their ceiling.

‘They’re All Staring’: Watch a Car of American Tourists Drive Through Munich’s Car-Free Plaza

Many European cities are built to be walkable. The United States, in contrast, is not.

Lane-Splitting Motorcyclist Is Lucky to Be Alive After Crashing Into a Truck and Almost Getting Run Over By a Semi

Lane-splitting is one of those things that motorcyclists say is fine, but the average person is convinced is dangerous.

TGIF: 18 Work Memes to Sign Off For the Weekend

Congrats, you survived the work week yet again.

‘The Fifth Loco’: Panera’s Charged Lemonade Linked to One Death Is Turning People Into Tweakers

Despite boasting 65 grams of sugar, Panera Bread’s caffeinated Charged Lemonade proved to be less-than-sweet for one family, who is suing the fast-casual chain over the death of their 21-year-old daughter.

Hungry Javelinas Are Waging War on Arizona’s Most Prestigious Golf Course

Sorry gophers — another animal has emerged as the patron saint of peeving putters, none other than a hungry band of javelinas hellbent on single-hoovedly destroying a luxe Arizona golf course.

‘Magic Mushrooms Are Turning American Pilots Into Psychedelic Kamikazes’: Psychonauts Are Pissed the Alaska Airlines Pilot Has Tarnished Their Good Name

"I pulled both emergency shut-off handles because I thought I was dreaming and I just wanna wake up,” he reportedly said during his mile-high meltdown.

Security Guards Were Not Prepared For Cannibal Corpse Show

Despite their reputation as big, burly dudes looming above the mosh pit and frowning upon crowd surfing, it appears there is one thing concert security guards actually fear — the musical stylings of Cannibal Corpse.

'If You Want to Leave This Company On Good Standing You Have to Come in on Your Approved Day Off': Boss Breaks the Law to Threaten Worker

After finding a new job, a hotel employee decided to use up some of his vacation time before he left. Unfortunately, his boss had one last power trip left in him.

One of the Government’s ‘UFO Sightings’ Was Actually Just Another Darn Balloon

Remember a few months ago when the news was saying that aliens were real — and then the story went away like two weeks later?

'He's Drunk AF': Tipsy Driver Nearly Bulldozes Pedestrians After Speeding Onto a Houston Curb

Though a hammered Houston driver may have stayed off the road in their intoxicated state, they evidently forgot about the sidewalk, nearly bulldozing several pedestrians enjoying a night out.

People Think They Found a Mermaid in Papua New Guinea

Back in September, residents of Simberi Island in Papua New Guinea discovered a big, white… thing on the beach.

'Stay There! I Got Everything!': Thieves Force Man's Car Off Road, Rob Him of His License Plate

This exercise in Murphy’s Law was an unfortunate reality for one unlucky Los Angeles motorist, who found his car dented and burgled during a drive down the highway.

British TikToker Pretends to Be Shocked When Peruvian Airport Security Find Several Kilos of Booger Sugar In His Luggage

As Adams, 25, attempted to leave the South American country on September 30, his plans were quickly thwarted after officials at Jorge Chávez International Airport decided to check his luggage.

'She's Right': Crying Zoomer Roasted For Her Take On 9—5 Jobs Is Right – Commuting Sucks

After roughly a century and a half, Karl Marx has finally been replaced as the face of capitalist critique. His successor? None other than influencer @brielleybelly123, a 20-something college grad who has a whole lot to say about the state of the American

'He Says 521 Like It's a Bingo Number': Ring Camera Catches the Most Hyped 5 A.M. Swat Warrant Serve of All Time

A few county sheriffs decided to take a new, ASMR-adjacent approach to serving an early morning search warrant, giving a few accused criminals the wake-up call of a lifetime in the wee hours of the morning.

‘Do We Actually Need to Worry About Losing Bananas?’: With Bananas On the "Brink of Extinction," Vegans Are In a Panic

Though the world may be shocked to learn that bananas as we know them may soon go extinct thanks to a fungus outbreak, vegans are far from surprised.

Absolute Madlad Comes Out of Hiding During Texas Fair Shooting to Grab Cotton Candy

What would you do during a mass shooting?

Charred Aftermath Paints Grim Picture of I-55 Pileup Due to ‘Super Fog’

New Orleans recently experienced what’s called a “super fog.” According to the Associated Press, this is when fog mixes with smoke — in this case, smoke from nearby marsh fires — to turn the air nearly opaque.

Off-Duty Pilot Tried to Hijack a Flight to San Francisco

Ever since 9/11, flight hijackings have largely become a thing of the past.

'That's How You Make Heineken': Factory Worker Caught Pissing Into Tank of Tsingtao

Wondering how to give your beer that special je ne sais quoi?

'I'm Autistic and My Special Interest Is Cheating On My Wife': Autistic Man Admits to Enjoying Logistics of Cheating More Than the Actual Sex

One Redditor recently proved that not all special interests are created equal, admitting that his latest hyperfixation is none other than cheating on his wife.

Group of Girls Go Shot-for-Shot in TSA Security Line

Going through airport security is a drag.