20 Dumbest Things People Have Ever Done While Intoxicated

Toonacious Published 03/27/2022 in Funny

Most of the time people say that drinking, smoking, or doing drugs can be extremely deadly. But who knew that they could make you equally as stupid on occasion.

Here are some personal stories and experiences from people who had done the dumbest stuff under the influence.

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1. I saw tiny tiny bugs crawling over a little flower among the grass. I realized they had never heard music before, poor lil guys, so I put my phone next to the flower and gave them the concert of a lifetime. - satooshi-nakamooshi
2. The bouncer at the entrance of the club put his arms out to indicate that I should do so for him to pat me down. Instead I though he wanted a hug so I hugged him. - Gabriel_Issimo
3. I convinced myself that I could really walk and it was just mind over matter, and despite my boyfriend and friends telling me not to, I rose up from my wheelchair and promptly fell under the pub table. I was covered in bruises, and I had a sore bum for days. My boyfriend and his best mate had to retrieve me from under the table. - Blackcat1206
4. Not dumbest but laziest. I microwaved something and when I opened the door to get it, because it wasn't centered on the turning plate, it was a bit further from the door. So I closed it and restarted the microwave another 5 seconds to get it closer to me so I didn't have to reach so far back to get it. - Mathinpozani
5. I microwaved cheesecake because stoned me found it odd that it was always served cold and not hot like it should be. And on a related note, piping hot cheesecake will take those munchies away real quick. - TeHNyboR
6. One night I go in the backyard to get high. I leave the backyard lights off so that my older neighbors can’t see what I’m doing cause I’m immature like that lol. I got a glass of ice water in one hand and I stepped into my pitch black backyard.

Every time I move I hear a sound like there is an animal stalking me in the many bushes in my backyard. Whenever I stop the sound stops but once I start moving again it sounds to me like the leaves in the bushes in our backyard are rustling and there is an animal in them. If I try to go back toward my back door the sound follows me. If I move further into the backyard the sound follows me.

I am legit freaking out thinking there is a big animal stalking me in my backyard. Turns out it was just the ice in my drink clinking every time I moved. I never felt so stupid in my life. - Scarlaymama0721
7. Almost gave myself hypothermia. While on a hike I picked up a big a** rock to throw onto a frozen lake and break the ice. I decided to walk out onto the ice to throw it. Rock hit the ice, ice broke, I fell in. Had to walk about 2 miles back to the car. - RotundMarmot
8. Needed to go into the gas station to get another dutch. Noticed for whatever reason my best friend's boyfriend had a full chicken costume in the backseat. I decided it would be funny to wear JUST the mask into the gas station. Didn't realize how bad I f**ked up til the girl at the register started screaming for the guy in the back room. They had just been robbed 2 weeks prior. - hippiesoul03
9. A sober friend put the other high guys phone in my bag. I found it funny so I left it there. I completely forgot and took it home with me. Later on an alarm goes off, so I go investigate and then find the phone. Tried to tell the guy and called his phone. The phone that was in my hand. - Hanazzo
10. Once I was eating a burrito like a ravenous beast and straight up bit my own finger. Another time I was gaming and my hands were cold, as I can get bad circulation. Well I sat there thinking “man it would be great if they made socks, but for your hands” and thought I had a great idea. 10 seconds go by and then “Oh yeah, gloves!” Had a good laugh at myself for that one. - Poxalox
11. Playing video games with my bro, split screen MW3. I'm absolutely crushing it then I realized I'm looking at the wrong screen, my dude is in a corner moving and shooting the wall. - GrandmasBoy85
12. I was typing on the computer and kept trying to make the numbers uppercase because I couldn’t figure out why I was just getting %]%*]+. - bubblegumbreeze
13. Once I was looking at the moon and I was just noticing the details in it, and I took a step forward to get a closer look like a dumba**. - LoosKiii
14. I was high as a kite with some friends. I look up at the sky and I was in awe. There were dozens of shooting stars through the sky. About 2 mins later I realized the stars weren’t moving but the clouds were. - goatedmomoshiki
15. I got super blazed one night near the beginning of pandemic lockdown, and went across the street to the drugstore to get some chips and such. As I approached the automatic glass doors I saw a person standing on the other side, so I waited for them to come through. I stood there waiting for what felt like an eternity. I was getting frustrated, like “what’s up with this clown? Can't they see I’m waiting for them?” Then i realized it was just my reflection. - hemingward
16. This one time I was in front of my TV watching "comedians in cars getting coffee." I had my bong on the coffee table between me and the TV. I am seeing Jerry Seinfeld driving someone in new York and suddenly I can see a cop car joining their lane behind them. I quietly and slowly took the bong down on the floor so the cops can't see it. - osvalds1
17. Was holding my cereal in one hand and phone in the other. Went to toss the phone on my bed, tossed the cereal instead. - PinkPowerRanger13
18. I went through the McDonald's drive-thru and ordered a large chocolate Coke. - sean20317
19. 3 of us went to Dunkin Donuts. Ordered 3 dozen. Left them all there on the counter and didn’t notice until we got home. Had to go back. Because donuts. - zenniezou
20. I forgot how 3D works. I was looking at a window and didn't realize why one part of the window was bigger than the other... oh because it's closer yeah makes sense. - ClosetBoy1213

1. I saw tiny tiny bugs crawling over a little flower among the grass. I realized they had never heard music before, poor lil guys, so I put my phone next to the flower and gave them the concert of a lifetime. - satooshi-nakamooshi
2. The bouncer at the entrance of the club put his arms out to indicate that I should do so for him to pat me down. Instead I though he wanted a hug so I hugged him. - Gabriel_Issimo
3. I convinced myself that I could really walk and it was just mind over matter, and despite my boyfriend and friends telling me not to, I rose up from my wheelchair and promptly fell under the pub table. I was covered in bruises, and I had a sore bum for days. My boyfriend and his best mate had to retrieve me from under the table. - Blackcat1206
4. Not dumbest but laziest. I microwaved something and when I opened the door to get it, because it wasn't centered on the turning plate, it was a bit further from the door. So I closed it and restarted the microwave another 5 seconds to get it closer to me so I didn't have to reach so far back to get it. - Mathinpozani
5. I microwaved cheesecake because stoned me found it odd that it was always served cold and not hot like it should be. And on a related note, piping hot cheesecake will take those munchies away real quick. - TeHNyboR
6. One night I go in the backyard to get high. I leave the backyard lights off so that my older neighbors can’t see what I’m doing cause I’m immature like that lol. I got a glass of ice water in one hand and I stepped into my pitch black backyard.

Every time I move I hear a sound like there is an animal stalking me in the many bushes in my backyard. Whenever I stop the sound stops but once I start moving again it sounds to me like the leaves in the bushes in our backyard are rustling and there is an animal in them. If I try to go back toward my back door the sound follows me. If I move further into the backyard the sound follows me.

I am legit freaking out thinking there is a big animal stalking me in my backyard. Turns out it was just the ice in my drink clinking every time I moved. I never felt so stupid in my life. - Scarlaymama0721
7. Almost gave myself hypothermia. While on a hike I picked up a big a** rock to throw onto a frozen lake and break the ice. I decided to walk out onto the ice to throw it. Rock hit the ice, ice broke, I fell in. Had to walk about 2 miles back to the car. - RotundMarmot
8. Needed to go into the gas station to get another dutch. Noticed for whatever reason my best friend's boyfriend had a full chicken costume in the backseat. I decided it would be funny to wear JUST the mask into the gas station. Didn't realize how bad I f**ked up til the girl at the register started screaming for the guy in the back room. They had just been robbed 2 weeks prior. - hippiesoul03
9. A sober friend put the other high guys phone in my bag. I found it funny so I left it there. I completely forgot and took it home with me. Later on an alarm goes off, so I go investigate and then find the phone. Tried to tell the guy and called his phone. The phone that was in my hand. - Hanazzo
10. Once I was eating a burrito like a ravenous beast and straight up bit my own finger. Another time I was gaming and my hands were cold, as I can get bad circulation. Well I sat there thinking “man it would be great if they made socks, but for your hands” and thought I had a great idea. 10 seconds go by and then “Oh yeah, gloves!” Had a good laugh at myself for that one. - Poxalox
11. Playing video games with my bro, split screen MW3. I'm absolutely crushing it then I realized I'm looking at the wrong screen, my dude is in a corner moving and shooting the wall. - GrandmasBoy85
12. I was typing on the computer and kept trying to make the numbers uppercase because I couldn’t figure out why I was just getting %]%*]+. - bubblegumbreeze
13. Once I was looking at the moon and I was just noticing the details in it, and I took a step forward to get a closer look like a dumba**. - LoosKiii
14. I was high as a kite with some friends. I look up at the sky and I was in awe. There were dozens of shooting stars through the sky. About 2 mins later I realized the stars weren’t moving but the clouds were. - goatedmomoshiki
15. I got super blazed one night near the beginning of pandemic lockdown, and went across the street to the drugstore to get some chips and such. As I approached the automatic glass doors I saw a person standing on the other side, so I waited for them to come through. I stood there waiting for what felt like an eternity. I was getting frustrated, like “what’s up with this clown? Can't they see I’m waiting for them?” Then i realized it was just my reflection. - hemingward
16. This one time I was in front of my TV watching "comedians in cars getting coffee." I had my bong on the coffee table between me and the TV. I am seeing Jerry Seinfeld driving someone in new York and suddenly I can see a cop car joining their lane behind them. I quietly and slowly took the bong down on the floor so the cops can't see it. - osvalds1
17. Was holding my cereal in one hand and phone in the other. Went to toss the phone on my bed, tossed the cereal instead. - PinkPowerRanger13
18. I went through the McDonald's drive-thru and ordered a large chocolate Coke. - sean20317
19. 3 of us went to Dunkin Donuts. Ordered 3 dozen. Left them all there on the counter and didn’t notice until we got home. Had to go back. Because donuts. - zenniezou
20. I forgot how 3D works. I was looking at a window and didn't realize why one part of the window was bigger than the other... oh because it's closer yeah makes sense. - ClosetBoy1213

dumbest under the influence stories -ants in phone

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I saw tiny tiny bugs crawling over a little flower among the grass. I realized they had never heard music before, poor lil guys, so I put my phone next to the flower and gave them the concert of a lifetime. - satooshi-nakamooshi

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Tags: drink smoke drugs eat stupid dumb funny humor drunk high weed wtf lol dui lulz

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20 Dumbest Things People Have Ever Done While Intoxicated

1. I saw tiny tiny bugs crawling over a little flower among the grass. I realized they had never heard music before, poor lil guys, so I put my phone next to the flower and gave them the concert of a lifetime. - satooshi-nakamooshi

2. The bouncer at the entrance of the club put his arms out to indicate that I should do so for him to pat me down. Instead I though he wanted a hug so I hugged him. - Gabriel_Issimo

5. I microwaved cheesecake because stoned me found it odd that it was always served cold and not hot like it should be. And on a related note, piping hot cheesecake will take those munchies away real quick. - TeHNyboR

7. Almost gave myself hypothermia. While on a hike I picked up a big a** rock to throw onto a frozen lake and break the ice. I decided to walk out onto the ice to throw it. Rock hit the ice, ice broke, I fell in. Had to walk about 2 miles back to the car. - RotundMarmot

9. A sober friend put the other high guys phone in my bag. I found it funny so I left it there. I completely forgot and took it home with me. Later on an alarm goes off, so I go investigate and then find the phone. Tried to tell the guy and called his phone. The phone that was in my hand. - Hanazzo

11. Playing video games with my bro, split screen MW3. I'm absolutely crushing it then I realized I'm looking at the wrong screen, my dude is in a corner moving and shooting the wall. - GrandmasBoy85

12. I was typing on the computer and kept trying to make the numbers uppercase because I couldn’t figure out why I was just getting %]%*]+. - bubblegumbreeze

13. Once I was looking at the moon and I was just noticing the details in it, and I took a step forward to get a closer look like a dumba**. - LoosKiii

14. I was high as a kite with some friends. I look up at the sky and I was in awe. There were dozens of shooting stars through the sky. About 2 mins later I realized the stars weren’t moving but the clouds were. - goatedmomoshiki

17. Was holding my cereal in one hand and phone in the other. Went to toss the phone on my bed, tossed the cereal instead. - PinkPowerRanger13

18. I went through the McDonald's drive-thru and ordered a large chocolate Coke. - sean20317

19. 3 of us went to Dunkin Donuts. Ordered 3 dozen. Left them all there on the counter and didn’t notice until we got home. Had to go back. Because donuts. - zenniezou

20. I forgot how 3D works. I was looking at a window and didn't realize why one part of the window was bigger than the other... oh because it's closer yeah makes sense. - ClosetBoy1213

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